An Accidental Comedy

The world is a comedy to those that think; a tragedy to those that feel. ~ Horace Walpole

Mr. Umakant had died. He was in his seventies, living a very healthy life till two days ago. He was a kind of man who chose to stay fit all his life. He was tall and exceptionally strong for his age. His dark complexion and thick moustache suited well to his personality. It was difficult to guess the old man by his age. He was also a man of great values. He always sought quality in his life. He preferred keeping to himself most of the times. He never spoke a word more than required.

Whole atmosphere had turned tragic by sudden death of the great man. People of neighborhood had gathered to share the loss with his family—which at that time consisted just of one: his granddaughter, Riya. Rest of the family members, his son and daughter-in-law, were settled in Australia for past twenty years. Riya had come to spend winter vacation with her grandfather few weeks back, and unfortunately she had to suffer the pain alone. She had informed her father about the sudden loss. He was already on his way to New Delhi.

“He was such a good man. No one could have thought he would die this early,” a middle aged woman said sympathetically.

“Yeah, look at the poor girl. She is here alone with the body. She has no idea what to do,” another woman added.

“Her parents never really cared about the old man. They left him here alone for these many years. But the death really seems mysterious to me. Umakant took very good care of himself. Neither he had any illness nor he fell sick anytime,” said the first woman.

“We must go and comfort Riya. She might feel better,” said the another woman. Both of them went to Riya. She was sobbing uncontrollably in a corner.

Riya was cute elegant eighteen years old girl. She was slim and tall like her grandfather. She had round lovely face with sparkling eyes, strong cheekbones, petite nose, finer eyebrows, and fuller lips. Undoubtedly, she was the beauty beyond compare. She had lived most of her life in Australia, but she was exceptionally traditional in her thoughts. Even in her teenage, when other people lose their senses by the rush of adrenalin, she was very humble. She was one in a zillion; she was quite opposite to her parents, who had left the old man to die alone. She tried to hide her tears – which didn’t suit at all to her charming eyes – when the women reached her.

“Don’t feel lonely, sweetheart. We are here with you. These are the parts and parcel of the life. All of us have to face it one day. It is so sad that you had to face it at such a tender age. Your parents must have already left, haven’t they?” asked one woman.

“I am not quite sure. They said they have left already, but you know, they don’t very much stick to their words,” Riya said annoyingly.

“Oh! Poor, child. Don’t be disheartened. It takes time for certain people to realize the value of life. Money is a funny thing, I tell you; it easily blinds people.”

“Will you please excuse me for a moment,” Riya said and left for another room where she could be alone. Three other men: Ramesh, Rahul, and Deepak followed her. They had been watching Riya for a very long time and were anxiously waiting for her to be alone. The moment had arrived, and they didn’t want to miss the opportunity. They rushed towards her immediately. Riya entered her room, and when she was about to shut the door, she faced them standing like thieves in front of her. They quickly hung their heads down to avoid eye contact with Riya. They looked terrible; their tired eyes showed they were deprived of sleep. They were in mid-twenties. Ramesh was brown, tall, and slim. He had unshaved beard and moustache, and had cute little eyes. Rahul had an average height with a very dark complexion. Deepak looked like a drunk man with overgrown facial hairs. His belly was large enough to block his sight of the lower part of his body.

Riya frowned seeing them, and said irritatingly, “What do you guys want? Hasn’t it been enough, or do you dare now to express the condolences? ”

“N-no. N-nothing,” Ramesh stuttered, and said, “We just wanted to… I mean, I just wanted to say that you look beautiful.”

Riya was tongue-tied by his remarks. In a second thought, she said, “And how do you think your unusual compliment suits to this very occasion?”

“Don’t take him seriously, Riya. He always lies when he doesn’t know what to say,” Rahul said smiling. His teeth sparkled like stars amidst his pitch black face.

“That’s not a lie, you jealous, retard. I really meant…”

“Enough already!” Riya exclaimed, and said almost crying, “You guys please leave now, or do whatever you want. I really don’t care. Just leave me alone.” She shut the door closed.

They stood like losers in a queue. Ramesh faced Rahul and said, “Why did you call me a liar then? Couldn’t you see I was trying to impress a girl?”

“What! Me! I never called you a liar. I was just supporting you there,” Rahul replied.

“How? By pulling my legs and trying to make your own impression by telling you really know a lot of bad things about me?”

“I was just helping you, buddy. I thought you would thank me later,” Rahul said ignorantly.

“Shut up your stinking mouth before I kick your butts. You were just trying to be a flirt, and flirts never praise other guys in front of a girl.”

“Stop it, you both. Save it for later,” Deepak said making an ugly face. He bent a little forward, supported his body with both hands on his thighs, and said, “See! There is an empty sofa. Let’s go and sit before it’s taken.”

They moved swiftly and occupied the couch. They all kept silence for few moments, but they couldn’t avoid noticing that they were being stared by almost everyone in the house. They were the only ones sitting relaxed.

“Do you think we should stand up? We are being watched like suspects,” Ramesh said.

“Nah! Whole world will be suspicious when you try to do something different. Let’s ignore them and relax,” Deepak replied stretching his back a little more over the couch.

“Yeah. They may also be looking for a chance to sit,” Rahul supported him.

“Fools, there are lot of other empty couches in this house to sit,” Ramesh said.

“True, but this one is the most cushioned. We can’t really afford to lose this,” Deepak giggled drawing more attention towards themselves.

“You don’t have to act like a moron if you are one. I already had my worst day. I can’t take anymore. I am getting out of here. You guys can stay if you want to face a public outrage.” They all left in unison.

They were on the way to their room which Umakant had rented them a year ago. Ramesh was the only one who was grieved by his sudden death. He was trying pretty hard to hide the pain from his two stupid friends, who were quite indifferent to the death of their landlord. Rahul put an arm around Ramesh while walking and asked, “Do you still think that dream of yours—where Riya comes running towards you for a hug—is going to be true?”

“Do I look like I care about that dream right now? But, yes, I still believe it will come true one day,” Ramesh replied.

“Not after she knows you killed her grandfather,” Deepak said.

“What do you mean I killed her grandfather?”

“Does it mean anything else? You killed the old man, didn’t you?”

“What has gotten into you guys? Why would I kill him? He was like a father to me.”

“Did you say ‘father’? Since when did that creepy-old-disgusting man become your father? He was the most ignorant shit till yesterday, and today he gave birth to a son. You know what, I smell a rat. You must be the one who killed him. Everyone thinks the same,” Rahul said.

“Come on, guys! I am not a murderer. I just don’t want to curse a dead man. But, how do you know what everyone thinks?”

“What is there to know? Didn’t you see how everyone was watching you back there? Their awful faces clearly showed they were suspicious. They all know you have killed the man,” Rahul said with a yawn while entering their room.

The three jerks shared the same room. They had been living there for more than a year. It had all started when Deepak and Rahul left Jabalpur to make a fortune in Delhi. They were coincidentally travelling in the same train and in the same bogie. Rahul had got the reservation for the lower berth while Deepak had got for the upper one.

Why does this always happen to me? Deepak thought while trying to climb on his berth. He was too overweight to balance on the narrow rods of the stairs. He gave a few more tries but was unsuccessful. He stood there in despair thinking, this universe keeps on plotting against me. Oh God! Why are you always so unfair? Why do you give a healthy person an upper berth, and a man as skinny as a stick, a lower berth? What justice is this? Maybe, I will have to do the justice myself. I have to talk to this silly fellow.

Rahul was being ignorant of his failing attempts. He sat on his lower berth relaxed trying to constantly look out of the window. Meanwhile he was also thinking, I wonder how the punching bags like this never know when they are getting fat. If this blimp had known to apply the brakes at right moment, he would have been able to get on his berth easily. There is really…

“Hey, brother. Do you mind if I share lower berth with you? You can take my berth if you want. As you would have seen, I was struggling real hard but couldn’t get there,” Deepak said interrupting his thoughts.

Rahul looked at his exhausted face and felt pity. He offered enough space for him to sit and said, “It’s fine. You can sit here for a while, but you have to go to your berth whenever I feel like sleeping.”

“Thanks a lot, my friend. Who says there are no good men left in this world?” Deepak said after adjusting himself.

“It depends on how you define a man’s goodness.”

“Truly said, brother. By the way, I am Deepak. What’s your name?” Deepak said extending his hand.

“I am Rahul. It is nice to meet you. Where are you going?”

“Delhi. I had to run away from my village. Long story. I will tell you if we have time. And you?”

“Same destination. I am going to make a fortune there. I, too, have run away from my home. I think we have a lot in common.”

“Yeah, it’s good. Time will fly like a rocket now. In just few blinks, we will be in Delhi,” Deepak laughed.

Few minutes ago they were silently cursing each other, and now they were like long lost brothers. They were either the case of Great men think alike, or the case of Fools seldom differ. This is a funny world; we just see a common thing to make a perfect stranger our best friend, and more often we make our best friend a stranger when we differ.

They were getting along together quite well. Time was really passing fast with each of their individual story.

“You said you ran away from your village, didn’t you? Why would you do that?” Rahul asked Deepak after having a few common talks.

“You might find it funny, but it was the question of my life. My mother wanted to get me married. She promised to find someone just like me. Guess, what happened next? I was on a date with a super fat girl. Believe me, she looked like a hippopotamus. I am fat doesn’t mean I have to marry someone fat. No healthy person wants to marry another healthy person. But, I didn’t have much issue with her fatness. The thing is, a 90 kg girl shouldn’t have the feminine airs of 45. My mother fooled me by telling she is the most beautiful girl I can get. I also fooled her back by selling our grocery shop. I took all the money and ran away. I am going to buy a cab in Delhi, and then I want to expand it to the greatest cab company of the city,” Deepak narrated.

“You are really brave, dear. It takes a lot of heart to do such a thing,” Rahul patted Deepak and said, “You know what my story is? It’s a different kind of runaway. My parents wanted me to be highly educated. But, look at me. Do I look like a guy who can bear education? I kept on convincing them about my business plans, but they are real stubborn. So, I did what I had to do. I told them I got selected in a college in Delhi and took college fees along with me. I want to open a big restaurant in Delhi. Just like the one they show in movies. I am soon going to be very rich. I have everything well planned.”

“I think we have a common purpose in Delhi. Why don’t we share an apartment there? We will be good friends enjoying our lives and fulfilling our dreams. With each other having our backs, we can rule the whole world,” Deepak suggested.

“You just stole my thoughts. I was also thinking the same. Believe me, it’s going to be exciting. I can’t wait to be there already,” Rahul said thinking of the royal life he was going to live.

Then they both got lost in their imagination. Deepak had bought the most handsome cab in the city. He was carrying foreign tourists from all around the world in his brand new Mercedes. Everyone started knowing him as the best cab driver; he was so busy taking calls for the bookings that he had to buy another car and hire another driver. Very soon, he had owned hundreds of Mercedes. He had become the most important figure in providing the luxurious cab facility. Rahul was doing no less in making fortunes. He had opened a beautiful restaurant in the city center. He provided excellent and tasty cuisines; people started to like them immediately. His growing popularity kept on bringing more folks to his restaurant. In the blink of an eye, he opened another restaurant, and another restaurant, and he didn’t stop until he had opened the largest chain of restaurants.

They were still lost in their thoughts when they reached New Delhi. People started hurrying along with their luggage to get down from the train. Deepak put his headphones on, took his bag, and started moving in a queue. Rahul followed him by carrying a bag and a carton of television that he had brought for his amusement. They followed a huge mass of people exiting the New Delhi railway station.

They stood perplexed outside the station. They had never been outside Jabalpur before. The crowd, the pollution, and the hugeness took them by surprise. They were yet to decide what had to be done next or maybe they hadn’t still come out of their fantasies. They had to plan real fast because the sun had already set, and the nights of Delhi are not very welcoming to strangers. After a long pause, Deepak said, “Are you thinking what I am thinking?”

“What?” Rahul replied.

“That we are totally lost,” Deepak said.

“Lost!” Rahul frowned and said, “Bro, we are going to rule this city one day, and you are already talking like a loser. Let’s get a taxi first, and then we will find a nice hotel from where we will begin our journey.”

“Okay,” Deepak said and started moving with his luggage.

They walked few meters, and then stopped to enquire about the taxi stand from a policeman. “Sir, where can we find the nearest taxi stand?” Deepak asked the policeman naively.

“Oh!” the policeman exclaimed and said while rubbing his huge tummy, “Let me guess. You guys are not from here, are you?”

“No, sir. We have come from Jabalpur. This is our first time in Delhi,” Rahul replied foolishly. Foolishly because they had no idea what was coming.

“I knew it. Before you go any further, I have to do some inspection. What is that thing you have around your neck?” the police asked pointing to Deepak’s headphone.

“Sir, this is headphone. I like to…”

“No, no, no,” the police interrupted and said, “It doesn’t work like this. Let’s go to someplace where we can talk alone. Let’s go there.” The policeman took Deepak away from Rahul.

“So, you were telling about your headphone. How do you listen songs from this?” the police asked.

“Sir, I have an mp3 player. Here it is,” Deepak showed it to the police.

“Let me check. When did you buy it?”

“Three months ago in Jabalpur. But, sir, is there any trouble?”

“You don’t have to worry about troubles. It’s our job to find the troubles and shoot them. Let me see its papers.”

“Papers, sir? I didn’t understand.”

“Don’t try to act innocent. I am talking about the papers of your iPod. Show it quickly; I don’t have whole night.”

“But, sir. I don’t have it now with me. I left it at my home.”

“I knew it the moment I saw you. From where did you steal it? Or shall I say, smuggled it? You have come to Delhi to smuggle these Chinese devices, haven’t you?” the policeman said strongly.

“No, sir. Honestly, I had bought it in Jabalpur. I didn’t think it was necessary to carry the invoices. I swear, sir, it’s mine,” Deepak replied feebly.

“You can say all that in police station. I will make sure you do a minimum of six months.” the police said and grabbed his right hand.

“Sir, please listen. Please,” Deepak begged releasing his hand.

“No, you listen to me now. You don’t want any trouble, do you?”

“No, sir,” Deepak said crying.

“Just pay me fifty thousand bucks, and get out of here, unless you want to spend six months of your life in prison.”

Deepak was really terrified. With all his senses blocked, he took out all the cash he had and said, “Sir, I have only twenty thousand rupees with me. Please take it, and spare me.”

“Okay, that is fine,” the police put all the money under his shirt and said, “But remember, this offer was only for you. Don’t tell anyone I took so less; I have some reputation in the city, you know.”

“Sure, sir. I won’t tell anyone,” Deepak said quickly. He was feeling real lucky.

“Don’t go anywhere now. Let me check and see if your friend is clean. Stand here till then,” the police said and went to Rahul.

“That friend of yours, how long have you been knowing him?” the police asked Rahul.

“I have only been knowing him for a day, sir. I met him on train,” Rahul replied honestly.

“Then, believe me, you don’t want to know what just happened to him. I hope you will cooperate with me.”

“Of course, sir. By all means.”

“Let us make it quick then. What are you carrying in this carton?”

“It’s a T.V, sir. I have brought it for my little amusement.”

“Really?” the police said sarcastically and ordered, “Open the box quickly. Let me see what kind of T.V it is!”

Rahul opened the box and took out his newly bought LCD television.

The policeman checked the television by tapping everywhere and said, “Well, I can see this really is a television. Now, tell me what have you got inside this T.V?”

“Sorry, sir. But a T.V will only contain electronics components inside, right?” Rahul said smartly.

“Oh! Thanks for the information; let me see what kind of electronics components are there. Open the television,” the police said double smartly.

Rahul stood their tongue tied. He wondered if he heard the same thing he thought he had heard.

“Didn’t you just listen to what I said? Open the goddamn television,” the police shouted.

“I beg your pardon, sir. But, you know, I really can’t open this television,” Rahul said humbly.

“Exactly! So, you tell me, how do I precisely know what are you carrying? How do I know that there are no bombs inside, and that you are not a terrorist? For that, you will have to go to police station to get this television inspected,” the police explained his motive.

“Please, sir. I am a very poor man. I am not rich like Deepak. I have poor hungry children at home. I have come here to make some money so that my wife and kids can have something to eat. I swear on my kids, sir, I am not a terrorist,” Rahul faked.

The police showed sympathy towards Rahul and handed him a five hundred rupees note, and said, “Keep this, you will need it till you make some money here. And, before you go, leave the television to me; poor hungry people shouldn’t be having LCD television.”

Rahul left with Deepak in despair. They were still wondering how it could happen to them. They needed time to recover from the shock, so they thought why not recover in some high class hotel. They booked a cab and checked in at Lemon Tree Premiere in Chanakyapuri. For the time being, they forgot their prime purpose in Delhi. Loaded with money as they were, they started looking for the ways to get pleasure out of it. Little did they know that there is never an end to human pleasure. They kept on living their luxurious life until they had only quarter of what they had brought. Any more pleasure would have made them real beggars. It was time for them to recover from the shock. It was time to stop dining at fine restaurants, and go to some cheap dhabas.

As they were discussing about sharing a room instead of an apartment while having dinner at a roadside dhabha, a young man approached them and said, “I am sorry, but I couldn’t help overhearing what you were just discussing. I wanted to let you know that I can help you in getting a good room at a very affordable price. But that is really up to you guys; I can help only if you want.”

“It’s absolutely fine. In fact, we were looking for someone who could help. But, why do you want to help? You hardly know us,” Deepak said.

“To tell you frankly, it’s my job. This help comes with a price. I help you find the best accommodation, and you give me my fare share: one month’s rent,” the young man replied.

“Oh, we get it now. You are a broker, aren’t you?” Rahul asked.

“That’s not what I prefer to call myself. I am just the help at hand. So, if you guys are okay, I can show you some rooms tomorrow morning. You pay me only when you choose one to live in.”

“We won’t have any problem if we get the best deal, will we, Rahul?” Deepak asked Rahul, and when Rahul shook his head, he said to the young man, “We are okay with your proposal. We can meet tomorrow morning at this place itself. This young man, here, is Rahul, and I am Deepak. And you are?”

“I am Ramesh, and I look forward to meet you guys tomorrow morning. I will be waiting here at 9 a.m.,” Ramesh said and left.

Deepak and Rahul met Ramesh the next morning with all their belongings. They didn’t want to spend another buck for their luxuries. Ramesh booked an auto rickshaw for their destination. The three guys hopped in and left.

While they were travelling, Ramesh asked them, “How long have you guys been in Delhi?”

“Only a few weeks. We came here from the same place: Jabalpur. We are here to make some fortune,” Rahul replied.

“Oh! I see. Delhi is a land of opportunities, I must say. Only if you know where to find one. Otherwise, you won’t have a Dil to find anything in Dilli,” Ramesh said and smiled.

Rahul and Deepak also grinned.

“So, where are we going to see the rooms? How far is it from here?” Deepak asked.

“I forgot to tell. We are going to Krishna Nagar—not more than fifteen kilometers from here. I have some acquaintances in that area, especially an old man. He is a tough guy, but we can bargain. I can promise, you won’t find anything cheaper in Delhi,” Ramesh explained.

Deepak and Rahul were pretty convinced by his explanation.

“I am just being curious. Where do you live in Delhi? I mean, you are a Delhite, aren’t you?” Rahul asked.

“That is not something I am really proud of, but, yes, I have lived most of my life here. I was born in Kanpur though. I don’t know if that qualifies me as a Delhite,” Ramesh said.

“So, how long have you been in your line of business?” Deepak asked.

“I am not in any line of business. It will be quite difficult for you to understand now. I am not always a broker. I visit Krishna Nagar frequently, so I know there are some rooms available there,” Ramesh said.

Ramesh was getting along well with Deepak and Rahul. There was something about these guys—may be their foolishness, or may be their innocence—that made him like them. He knew they were good guys, and there was real scarcity of good people in the city.

“What are you future plans here? How do you guys intent to make a fortune?” Ramesh asked.

“Our plan is very simple. I am going to open a restaurant and expand it to the largest chain of the city. Deepak wants to buy a cab and later become the best luxurious cab facility provider. We have figured out everything well and have our fingers crossed,” Rahul described.

Ramesh laughed for a moment on hearing that and then said, “Forgive me, friends. But this doesn’t look like a simple plan to me. I will pray it works out as you have planned.”

They reached Geeta Colony of Krishna Nagar in a few minutes. When they had unloaded their belongings, Ramesh walked them through the colony to meet Umakant. Umakant had one of the largest house in the colony. Besides his own house, he also owned a single bedroom flat opposite to the street. Although the room was very old and quite in a mess, it was the really the cheapest they could get in Delhi. Seeing their budget, Rahul and Deepak decided to stay there. Ramesh got his commission as he delivered what he had promised. Before Ramesh left, he gave his contact number to them because he knew they would need it in trouble. And by their airs, he was quite sure they would very soon be in trouble.

Rahul and Deepak had been for more than two months in Delhi, and they had not taken even the first step towards achieving their dreams. The deposited cash was flowing out very fast. By the amount of money they were left with, neither Deepak could afford a cab in that nor could Rahul open a restaurant. They needed to think quick before the remaining cash was gone too. So, they decided to make their dream a bit smaller. Deepak bought an auto rickshaw instead of a Mercedes, and Rahul opened a religious store in the colony instead of a fine high class restaurant. If there was ever an art of earning money, those guys were still very pathetic at learning it. In the search of money, they lost their passion and their loved ones. They had come to thrive, and now they couldn’t even survive. They looked for different other ways to earn money. Some worked, and some didn’t. And when they had no more options left, they called Ramesh for help.

When Ramesh came to visit them, Deepak explained, “Ramesh, I know it is too much to ask, but we guys are hopeless now. I am left with an auto rickshaw, and Rahul with a religious store. And, believe me, both doesn’t provide us enough money to support ourselves in this city. If you could help us deal with this, or may be if you move in with us to share the rent, we will be highly obliged.”

“Helping you guys in trouble is one thing, but what makes you think I will really move in here?” Ramesh asked.

“We don’t know. You look like pretty much of your own. If you move in here, it will be cheaper for all of us, and we could really use some wise company,” Rahul said.

Sometimes, even the fools do make sense, Ramesh thought and said, “I am not convinced. Still I don’t see anything for me here.”

“Well, you are single, aren’t you?” Rahul asked.

“Yeah, but how does my being single anyway related to what you guys are asking?”

“It is totally related to that. If you want to know, Umakant has a granddaughter. If you want to know more, she lives in Australia. If you want to know more and more, she has come to spend vacation here. If you want to know furthermore, she is as beautiful as an angel. Now, I wouldn’t miss the sight of heavenly beauty every day. Will you, Ramesh?”

“No, I won’t. I will sure like to behold your angel across the street first, and if you are saying it true, I will be all here.”

When Ramesh really saw her, his jaw dropped, and words came out spontaneously from his mouth, “Gosh! She is more beautiful than the God’s most beautiful angel. I am going to get her one day.”

Deepak aroused him from his senses, “Hold your horses, fella. Not so fast. That painting is more precious than that of Picasso’s. If, supposedly, it was for sale, you couldn’t afford one.”

“Even the most precious ones get stolen though,” Ramesh said dreaming.

This is how Ramesh decided to move in there, and the tale of three jerks began.

Few months passed, and when Rahul and Deepak were still not able to do much with his life, Ramesh decided to help them.

“See, you guys need to be more dynamic. You have to seek opportunities everywhere. This is how things work here. A little more passion for what you do will definitely add more opportunities. I can explain it in a better way. Let us take the case of Deepak first. He parks his auto rickshaw in front of the colony every day and waits for passengers to come. This is not how the things should be. He should go to places in Delhi where people really need the ride. For example, the construction sites in the evening. Workers return to their homes after the whole day’s work. He can go there and carry many passengers at once. They will get a cheap ride and he will earn more money. Besides this, many events keep on taking place in the city. He has to keep himself updated and be there when people really need the ride. He should go to movie theatres when the show ends and carry the needy.

Now let us take the Rahul’s case. He owns a religious store in the center of the colony. People here hardly care to go temple every day. They only visit temples on festivals. So, why doesn’t he make his shop mobile and move to temples during the festival seasons? Presently, he sells generic items. He has to fill the store with festival related items. If he wants to dare more, he can go to mosque during Eid and to church during Christmas. He has to make contacts with religious people and offer them fare commissions on recommendations. There is nothing wrong in it. Doctors get commissions on prescriptions, don’t they?

Believe me, these things should work. If it doesn’t, there is a plan B too. Sell your auto rickshaw and religious store, and start begging. Beggars in this city truly earn a lot of money,” Ramesh explained.

Deepak and Rahul were listening very patiently. They thought very hard for few moments, and then Deepak said to Ramesh, “I think we should go with plan B.”

“Gotcha!” Deepak exclaimed on seeing the expressionless face of Ramesh and said, “We will surely try your suggestions with few variations. Wish us good luck.”

“No good wish on this earth can change your luck. But remember, the advice, that I gave you, was not for free. I might need few favors in future, and when I do, I don’t want excuses. Now go on for your work, and let me go to mine,” Ramesh demanded.

“But where do you go for work? What do you do for a living other than being a broker?” Rahul asked.

“That, my dear friend, is none of your freaking business,” Ramesh said and left.

The next morning when Rahul woke up, he found that Ramesh was smiling in his sleep. There was something evil in his smile; he was smirking. Rahul went to Deepak and woke him up to watch the scene. By this time, he was grinning with his mouth open. They thought, why not add more comedy to this morning scene. Rahul brought his shocks that he had not washed for two weeks and made Ramesh smell it. When it had no effect, Deepak put a chewed gum in his mouth that he had thrown a day before. Ramesh was still in his deep sleep, and they were not getting the fun intended. So, they went outside, brought in a street dog, sprinkled few cake crumbs over his face, and moved aside to watch the drama. The dog climbed on his bed and started licking his whole face. Ramesh felt something soft and warm moving across his face. He woke up screaming when he saw a huge dog over him. Deepak and Rahul were rolling on the floor laughing.

Ramesh spitted the gum out and shouted, “You guys are so much going to pay for this. Every bit of it, I swear.”

“What did we do? You were smiling in your sleep and the dog liked it,” Deepak said controlling his laugh, and then started to laugh again.

“Oh, really? And the dog chewed gum too? I swear, I will make the same dog shit on your faces one day,” Ramesh said angrily.

“It is okay, Ramesh. You should develop a better sense of humor. But jokes apart, tell us why were you smiling in your sleep? Was it some romantic dream?” Rahul asked.

“It was a dream that will make both of you jealous, and morning dreams come true they say. I dreamt I had done some heroic job that had made your angel really happy. She came running and hugged me tightly. She kept hugging me for long, you know. That’s not all of it. I saw you guys too—standing like a loser in a corner. How does that sound, you filthy morons?” Ramesh said.

“Ah! Morning dreams?” Rahul commented and said, “I have heard of that. If morning dreams were true, I would be a millionaire long back. Trust me, you are not going to get a glimpse of her again. She has already left for Australia. And you are much behind in knowing anything of her. Her name is Riya, and you are a loser, not us.”

“I didn’t know you guys had been doing homework when I was gone for work every day. It makes sense now why you are not able to earn some money. It’s my turn now. Remember the favor that I was to ask from both of you? It’s pretty simple: you guys are never going to meet Umakant again; it will be me from now on who will be dealing with him. And the meeting is over, please disperse.”

Knowingly or unknowingly, this is how the tension was created between Ramesh, and Deepak and Rahul. They never really talked about their friendship before, but there was something among them that had kept them going. That something was not stable anymore. Ramesh hardly talked to the other guys, and they two didn’t talk much to themselves too. Their lives were going pretty boring. Ramesh would sometimes go to Umakant for a casual talk, which was obviously not liked by Deepak and Rahul. In fact, they didn’t like anything about Ramesh. They hardly knew where he came from, and if he had any family. They hardly knew what he did for a living. They were pretty much in dark about him. All they knew was that he made good money which they couldn’t. So, the envy was already creeping inside both of them. It was just a matter of time when it had to burst, and it did burst after few months.

“Enough of the show, Ramesh. Can we just talk once what is going on here?” Rahul finally said it one day when Ramesh was leaving for work.

“I don’t know. You guys tell me what’s going on,” Ramesh replied ignorantly.

“You know everything, right? We can’t live like this forever,” Rahul said.

“Who were the ones to start the troubles? I don’t see myself anywhere,” Ramesh replied.

“Yeah, but you suddenly stopped talking to us. We could have sorted it out,” Deepak said.

“Really? You guys dared enough to play the prank. How come you couldn’t dare to give a goddamn apology?” Ramesh commented.

“We had done it for fun. We didn’t know you would take it that seriously,” Deepak said.

“No, you don’t understand. If I had really taken it seriously, I would have done the same to you, or maybe worse. I didn’t do anything as such. But, if in spite of all these, you expect me to behave normal as nothing ever happened, and it was perfectly normal of you guys to do that, then I am sorry; I can’t be a bloody hypocrite.”

“We are sorry if you think it was wrong of us to do that. But, what about you? Have you not kept your life absolutely private from us? We don’t know anything about you. We don’t know if you have any family or friends. We don’t know what you do for a living. We just see you earning enough money, but we are not sure if that is legal. I mean, we don’t know, you could even be a terrorist. Even your face sometimes matches to the ones they print in newspapers,” Rahul complained stupidly.

“Oh, please cut the crap. What do you think, I don’t know what you guys have been doing? I know Deepak, instead of driving his auto rickshaw, goes to theatre every day to sell movie tickets in black. And you, Rahul, please don’t act innocent. I know about you too; you, instead of selling religious items in your store, sell liquor after all the shops are closed. Did you ever say anything about that? If not, why do you ask me?”

“Well, you know everything about us. But, we still don’t know anything about you,” Deepak said sensibly.

“I hate the emotional drama. What do you want to know about me? I don’t have any family or friends. My parents died when I was ten. Since then, I have been taking care of myself. I came to Delhi when I was twelve. I have done more jobs than I can count. I have made myself the help at hand. I can just sense where people need an extra hand; I go there and earn money in return. This is how I met you. I sensed you needed help to find a place to stay, and I became that help. That’s all I can say about me,” Ramesh explained emotionally.

“So, can we just forget everything that happened between us, and be like friends again,” Rahul said.

The tension between them had been resolved, and they were friends again. They say after every arguments, the bond only gets stronger. So, they were more close to each other than before. Their friendship went on quite smoothly until the autumn, for when the winter began, Riya was back to her grandfather. Ramesh was not behind this time to take the leap. He approached her for some small talks but could never get himself any further than that. He tried everything he could, but she didn’t give him any friendly response. Maybe, he didn’t maintain a fine line between beholding a beauty and being a pervert. Or maybe, he had no class like Riya, but he had undoubtedly had a brave heart.

Ever since Riya came to Delhi this time, Umakant was not happy. There was something bothering him from inside. Ramesh tried to talk to him one day, but he was not in the mood and gave very strange response. He tried again but was signaled to leave. He left in despair. The same day, after midnight, Ramesh saw Umakant leaving his house in a hurry. Ramesh, in an instant, sensed that there was something wrong. He followed Umakant immediately from behind. He saw that Umakant got out of colony and was impatiently waiting at the main road.

Ramesh went slowly up to him and asked, “Are you looking for someone here, Uncle?”

Umakant was startled. He stuttered, “N… No… For none. W… What are y… you doing here th… this late?”

“I am a late sleeper. I get out sometimes for a night walk when I get bored. I saw you tonight, so came to you. Is everything alright, Uncle?” Ramesh asked smartly.

“Yeah, everything is absolutely fine. You go back to your home. I have some work to do,” Umakant lied.

“I have nothing to do back at home. I can help you with your work. Believe me, it gets pretty hard to do something alone,” Ramesh tried to convince him.

“You are too young to understand these things. You better leave me alone here,” Umakant said.

“I am old enough to feel, and I can feel that you are in pain. Besides, the night here gets quite rough. You could really use some company,” Ramesh replied.

“If you really insist, then get me a ride. I need to go somewhere. I am not sure where, though,” Umakant said faintly.

“Okay, but what kind of ride? Will an auto rickshaw do?”

“Anything will do at this moment. But, from where are you going to get it, this late?”

“That you leave to me. I don’t think Deepak will mind a night’s ride. He is a good guy.”

Ramesh brought the key from his room and went to backyard to get the auto. He had never driven an auto before. He only had the idea. He tried to start it but couldn’t. He returned to Umakant and explained him that he needed his help to get the auto started. He asked him to push the auto to get it on road. Despite being depressed, Umakant went to help him. He had to push it for half a kilometer to get it started. After that, he hopped in and told Ramesh to drive. Ramesh somehow managed to drive on an empty road. He drove for half an hour aimlessly, but Umakant didn’t speak a word. After driving for another half an hour, Umakant told him to stop.

With heavy heart, Umakant said, “Ramesh, can you get me some whiskey? I really need a drink tonight.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you drink. But, I can arrange it for you. I don’t think Rahul will mind some whiskey from his store,” Ramesh said and drove him back to the colony. He parked the auto in backyard and went to his room again to fetch the store’s key. Rahul and Deepak were snoring in their deep sleep. Ramesh took Umakant to the religious store, opened the shutter, got him at the backside of the shop, and closed the shutter again.

Ramesh made pegs for Umakant. Umakant offered him back but he refused. For the first few pegs, Umakant didn’t speak a word. He was silent as the grave. As more alcohol started pouring in, he opened up. He said to Ramesh, “You know, Ramesh, I never touched alcohol before. Until yesterday, I was as straight as an arrow. You wanna know what put me in this situation? ”

“It’s okay if you wanna tell, but you shouldn’t be pushing yourself hard at this moment,” Ramesh said trying to calm Umakant.

Umakant had few more shots and then said, “No, I really want to tell. It’s about Shashikant—my only son. He never liked me, you know. He hated me since he was five. He hated me for giving him a bad name. He hated me for everything I gave him. Back in teenage, he wanted to be a waiter…”

Umakant paused for another shot and continued, “The big restaurants always fascinated him. He was foolish enough to think that the waiters owned those restaurant. I forcibly sent him to an engineering college. He got a first class degree in software engineering and a job in New South Wales. He is making millions, you know. He never thanked me for all this, and instead always cursed me for stopping him from what he really wanted to become. He hasn’t talked to me in twenty years; he didn’t come to his mother’s funeral. I wonder what wrong did the old lady…”

Umakant started crying like a baby. Ramesh tried to comfort him, but he withdrew himself. He wiped his tears and drank another few pegs. He again continued, “I found a real nice match for him too. A very decent lady, you know. But that idiot never let her visit us. The only thing I have now is Riya. She doesn’t have his DNA. She is too stubborn in doing the right thing. She always comes to me in her vacations. I hope Shashikant comes when I die…”

Umakant had become quite emotional. He was abnormally drinking a lot which was bothering Ramesh. Ramesh tried to convince him to go home, but he was not ready to listen. He said, “Ramesh, do me some more favors. Open me another bottle, will you? ”

Ramesh opened another bottle and offered him, maybe, the fiftieth peg. He drank irresistibly and said, “You know why I am in pain after these many years of hatred? Because, he has started putting restrictions on Riya now. Maybe, it is her last visit this time. Then, I will be all alone.”

Ramesh wanted to stop him, but then he thought to let the old man drink and speak his heart out. He wanted to let the emotions flow. He said, “Don’t worry, uncle. The one who really loves you will always find a way to reach you. Love can never be suppressed by restrictions; it only overgrows.”

“You really seem like a nice person, Ramesh. I wish I had a son like you,” Umakant said in a heavy voice.

“This world is full of nice persons, uncle. If we can’t find one, we should be the one. That’s what I really do. And you are a good person too. Even I wish, I had a father like you,” Ramesh said emotionally.

“One last favor I need today, son. Don’t stop me from drinking. Let me drink until I pass out.”

Surprisingly, Umakant had a strong appetite for alcohol. He didn’t pass out until he had three bottles of a fine whiskey. Ramesh carried him to his home later. Nothing was heard of Umakant the next day, and the day after next, he was found dead in his bed. Some people had seen Ramesh with Umakant on that night, and the rumors had started to spread in the neighborhood. People were getting suspicious, and it included Riya as well.

Shashikant had finally arrived Delhi. He was not worried by the death of his father; Riya being alone in that situation troubled him, that’s why he had to fly immediately to Delhi. After his arrival, preparations for the funeral began straightway. All family members and close friends gathered. The priest arrived and began the rituals.

The body was washed and shrouded in a plain white sheet. It was then brought and kept temporarily in the entryway of the house. The holy sandal paste was applied on the forehead, and a garland of flowers was placed around the neck. People gathered around the body to sing the sacred songs. An oil lamp was kept lit near the head, and the incenses were burnt.

While the last rituals were being performed before cremation, the shrill voices of the sacred songs were hitting the eardrums of Umakant. The huge smoke from the incenses and the oil lamp were transmitting through the nerves of his nose. The sandalwood on his forehead and the holy water on his mouth was giving him a very cold sensation. And it was just like from a hideous dream, Umakant woke up on his bier. Before he could figure out what was happening, there was a complete state of chaos in the house. People started running here and there. They left the house crying, “Run! He is back from the dead. He is back from the dead.”

So, it had happened something like this. On that night, after Ramesh carried him heavily drunk to his home, he laid him on the bed and left. Umakant was so badly passed out that he didn’t wake up the next morning. Now, it becomes quite obvious in the old age, when people don’t wake up for long, to consider them intuitively dead. It had happened the same with Riya. Immature as she was, she became quite bewildered when Umakant didn’t wake up till evening. She thought he was dead and informed the same to his close friends and her father. Hence, the situation.

Shashikant was scared too for once, but then he thought it was some kind of a joke. Umakant understood after some time that his death ceremonies were being carried, but he wasn’t surprised much as he himself felt he was back from the dead. Seeing the sad face of his son, Umakant said, “I know you don’t want to be here. You never wanted to. It must be giving you no happiness to see me alive, so before you say any word, you can leave.”

“You will always be pathetic,” Shashikant replied Umakant and said to Riya before he left, “I will wait for you at the airport.”

When Riya started crying badly, Umakant went to her and said, “You know, what I learnt the other night? When people really love you, they will always find a way to reach you. Even I will, no matter how much my evil son tries to keep you away. And guess what, I think Ramesh is really a nice person. If today, I am back from the dead, it is because of him. I am thinking to adopt him as a son. He will take good care of me.”

Riya felt better and went to pack her bags. Before she left for the airport, she crossed the road to see Ramesh. On seeing him, she ran to hug him tightly. She said, “Thanks for saving my grandfather. He really means everything to me. And you know what, you should pack your bags too. The old man is adopting you as a son. Take good care of him, Ramesh. Or shall I say, Papa…”